Tonight I ventured to a yoga class, excited to give my self focused time to relax. I decided to treat myself to a restorative practice, instead of my usual more strength oriented classes. The moment the lights were dimmed and we moved into a pose intended to open my heart, the tears began to surface. I knew in that moment I was right where I needed to be, and that a beautiful shift was upon me.
As I welcomed the tears and allowed them to flow, I noticed that I had shown up in my practice in a very different way than I had before. It seemed as though another layer had been revealed and I became overwhelmed with emotions as this new opening continued to present itself to me. I quickly understood that I was in the process of letting go, and releasing fears that surrounded this new layer of me. I closed my eyes and dedicated my practice to releasing fear and calling in faith.
I, like many of you, have experienced things in my life that desire healing. There are defenses that get built up aimed at protecting ourselves from future hurt, defenses that guard us from hopefully ever having to face those feelings of pain. As each layer is revealed and we journey further toward the core or center of our being, the process of moving forward can be quite scary and be an even greater challenge. As I have written before, my reaction to fear has been to come down on myself, doubting my past and worrying about the future. As I watched these old thought habits begin to appear, I focused on letting go and calling in faith.
What was interesting tonight, and what so overwhelmed me with emotion, was that I immediately had this sense of safety. Safety in crying, safety in allowing, safety in healing that part of me that felt so scared. I came to truly see my journey and appreciate all that I had survived and accomplished. I knew that I was ready to reveal this layer, ready to let go, and ready for all that was to come my way. As I called in faith, every inch of me opened up to the universe and I was sending healing breath to the parts of me that beckoned it.
In this beautiful practice, I experienced another layer of freedom that seems to have cracked my heart open wide. A faith filled vessel ready to receive all that is to come my way.