Today was my first day back to yoga in approximately two months. I can’t remember the last time I spent that much time away from a practice that I truly hold dear to my heart. Yoga is so much more than a practice of exercise for me, it is part of my spiritual path and a sacred space that allows me to reconnect with the universe and center within. It is a time of great learning through experiencing my mind/body/spirit connection in a way I am unable to do elsewhere.
Today as I began my practice I felt myself slowly settle down into my body. I immediately realized that although I have been feeling very calm and centered lately, there was still this element of excited energy that existed. As I felt that energy slowly melt away, I thought to myself, “well, here I am.” It was as if I was reconnecting with the totality of me, the wholeness of my being that I had not accessed over the last couple months. It struck me that I had been on a sort of break from myself, and the constant inner processes that my spiritual journey normally consists of. I found myself smiling at this idea, knowing that I had in no way lost myself during this small vacation from me. The strength in that realization filled my heart with an unexpected sense of joy and pride.
Me being the thinker that I am, I started to get curious about having strayed from my yoga practice and what that might have meant. I set my intention in that moment to allow my body to be wherever it is, without judgment or frustration, and to simply be curious and gain awareness from my practice today. And as those of you who do yoga can imagine, awareness is what I gained. There is no escaping yourself in yoga. No matter how hard you try to fake it, fight it, or deny it, whatever is there, presents itself to you. I became aware of the tightness in my body and the specific areas that I had been holding on. I understood that even though my mind had been clear over the past couple months, my body had been storing up underlying tensions and fears that presented. My body responded with gratitude to the gift of opening and releasing.
As my body opened and released, the rest of me did as well. I sit here now, writing in the totality and wholeness of myself, feeling a willingness that I had not been connected with. I think my vacation from me was the result of a need for time for me to simply be. To be unaware and unfocused on the parts of me that are eager to evolve so that I could simply be aware and focused on the parts of me that simply are. I have spent the last couple months enjoying everything that I am, and am now ready to incorporate my desire to grow. I feel strength and gratitude as I now understand that I can move forward from a space of being me and do not have to lose myself along the way. I move forward, evolving from a place of strength and wholeness and growing in the beauty of all that I already am.