As many of you know, in addition to writing this blog, I recently authored and published a book on conscious parenting. Up until that moment, I had this sense of freedom and flow, as if the universe were living me. The process simply flowed and I fully embraced being in the moment, not thinking about the end result or where the road was going to lead. Since publishing though, I have placed a great deal of internal pressure on myself surrounding the idea of success and what that means to me. I have filled my head with “should” messages that have served only to paralyze me and leave me questioning where to go from here. Quite honestly, I have felt that I’ve lost sight of my purpose and the message I am meant to share.
As I am sure you can imagine, this has not felt good, as I have consistently been feeling this underlying sense of fear and anxiety pull at my heart. There have been moments of dread when I think about writing and to be quite honest, I have also considered giving up and finding something “easier” to do. After all, my endeavor has thus far not been “successful” and who am I to continue down this road, not being a productive member of society. My belief in this statement has left me with such guilt and shame that it is no wonder I feel so paralyzed and lost. It is no wonder I have been questioning my purpose and everything I know in my heart to be my truth.
I think that we all buy into the ideas that we hear throughout society about what success is and how we value ourselves, as well as our work. We are told to set goals, make money, and earn prestige and fame as measurements of our worth. If we aren’t measuring high than maybe what we are doing is of no value, maybe we “should” be doing something else. Is this perhaps why so many of us are in careers that we literally hate, having turned our backs on the passions that make our hearts sing and fill us with boundless energy? Have we been driven by fear of not measuring up instead of driven by that inner voice that inspires us to shine?
As I have consciously been working my way through this, I have come to a clear awakening of how far from my passions I have strayed. I can see clearly that I somehow allowed those external measurements of success to cloud my inner voice, almost to a point of drowning out the sound completely. I am grateful to sit in a space of clarity and truth, understanding that my devotion needs to be to that thing inside me that makes me feel alive and drives me forward. My happiness, joy, and success is rooted in me having faith and trusting in that inner fire to lead me wherever it is I am meant to go.
I have known my purpose for quite some time now, to share the lessons I learn, the growth I achieve, and the wisdom I come to understand with others. It is my contribution to humanity, my way to help heal the collective conscious, and the way I will place a dent in my corner of this vast universe. It is through my devotion to this that external factors will fall into place and my own success will be defined.