I know Valentine’s Day is past, but love is a great theme at any time of year. Why limit it to one day? We spend a large part of our lives focused on love. Songs are sung about it, movies played about it, plays acted about it. Dreams are dreamt about it, fantasies indulged in it, and all kinds of illusions spun about it. It takes up a huge part of our lives but is it truly love?
If not, what is love? We carry love within us; our essential nascent state is love. We do not have to go anywhere, do anything, or be with anyone to get love; to experience love. We already are love. Love is who we are. When we forget, when the everyday stuff that rules our lives gets in the way, is when we don’t experience love.
If our essence is love, how come so many people feel unloved or unlovable? Why is it that, to some, love seems such an unobtainable thing? Some expect others to give them love and only experience love when they do. Others create expectations of love and feel cheated and rejected when they don’t materialise. On the other hand, some feel trapped when someone says, ‘I love you’ and put a whole load of non-spoken, non-written expectations and ‘commitment’ on this one sentence.
If someone truly expresses their heart without conditions, and says, “I love you,” what they are saying is, “I am connected to you and feel one with you.” ‘I love you’ is the only way we know to express this connection.
The true love we can feel for each other can only be unconditional. By this I mean that it can have no caveats attached to it. No ‘I love you if’s….’, just – ‘I love you’ period. I realized a few years ago that I was acting out a huge ‘I love you if…” all the while thinking I was being incredibly unconditional.
Ah, the trickery of the ego!
My version of unconditional love was, “I love and you can do anything you want as long as you never leave me.” This, of course, is the largest condition of all!
Once this is seen for what it is, it helps set the scene for real unconditional love to flourish. The love of the soul saying, ‘I see you, I am you and whatever you do in your life is ok.’ ‘If you choose to live your life with me, that’s great. If you choose to do something that challenges me, I will deal with this, and not try to change you. I will take responsibility both for my life and love in my life. I will share this experience of love with you.’
True unconditional love has no rules, no contracts, no agreements, and no payoffs. True unconditional love is totally free; it costs nothing to give and nothing to receive. It is limited to no one. You can love as many people as you want; you can feel that deep heart connection with one or a hundred people. The choice is yours.
This, of course, brings up the question of fidelity and jealousy. So often we are brought up to think that we can only love one person, that one special person, that soul mate. If we love more than one, we are unfaithful and it threatens our primary relationship. I believe these are two completely different and separate situations.
I love my partner, deeply and as unconditionally as I can, from moment to moment. That doesn’t mean that she doesn’t do things that drive me nuts as much as I know that I do things that drive her nuts, too. I just love, to the best of my ability. I also love many other people. Friends who I have known for years, people I meet for the first time and love instantly, those who I have known for lifetimes. I choose only one as my partner. I choose to give exclusivity – not of my love – but sharing of my person, my focus, my commitment, my support, my desire to share of myself at a deep level, one to one. We can’t give love; we can only be in our love and allow them a space to be in their love. In this way we are love.
Just think how different our world would be if we all chose unconditional love. Nice idea, huh?
Jessica offers Life Guidance, connecting back to your spirit, the true heart of you. If you want to know more you can visit her website or email her at firstname.lastname@example.org