I am learning first hand that when the universe throws you a complete curve ball out of nowhere it is much easier to catch that ball and run with it when you have been standing in your truth. For so long I lived my life driven by my fears. I would be afraid to go for the things I wanted out of fear that I might not get them or get them and then lose them. I would cut myself off from ever even having a chance. Then of course, I would feel angry and resentful about not having the things I wish I had.
I recently decided to make a change and stand in my truth, owning my wants and desires. I still felt scared but knew that I no longer was willing to allow that fear to control my world. I found myself excited to let go and just simply be. In making this decision I also fully realized that I was opening my heart to great risk. There was a possibility for hurt and pain in my future in a way I had not allowed the possibility for in the past. I knew there was this risk and not only was I prepared to take it, I was also excited.
Somewhere inside myself I knew that by standing in my truth I could handle anything that would come my way. Even if the future brought me pain and hurt it would for the first time be my pain and hurt based in the knowledge that I had finally put my self authentically out there and taken a risk. I would not have to feel the anger and resentment of not being willing to make an attempt. I would know that I had finally put myself in the game.
As I went through the process I remained very aware that my fears still existed. I watched as my insecurities surfaced and made their presence known. My beliefs about not being good enough, others disappointing me, and being alone made their way into my head whenever they could find the space. These thoughts would try to take root and I found myself wanting to back away and give up. I had to consciously remind myself that I was not willing to let that fear take over. Fear would not win. At moments this was very difficult, seemed near impossible.
In the end, my worst fears did come true. I opened my heart to a very large risk and did not end up with the outcome that I had desired. There is shock, pain, and disappointment of course. Most importantly though, there is pride. I stand in pride of my success in standing in my truth, facing my fears, and being willing to put my heart authentically out on the line. I can walk forward on my beautiful life journey knowing that I didn’t back down from a challenge and gave it my all. I will carry lessons forward with me knowing that I hold greater wisdom that will guide me in the many risks to come.