This is a post I wrote approximately 6 months ago and would like to share with you now. I can say that this expereince truly was life changing for me. I hope it resonates with you and opens your heart to forgiveness.
Please Forgive Me. These are words that can be extremely challenging to say, especially when you truly believe that you are actually the person who deserves an apology. I recently read The Gift of Forgiveness by Olivier Clerc, which tells of an encounter the author had with Miguel Ruiz around forgiveness. It is a beautiful read that provides a new perspective on how to make forgiving possible. Miguel Ruiz teaches “we need to ask others to forgive us for having used them to shut ourselves off from love, while blaming them for our own choice.” Basically, during deep meditation and visualization we say the words “please forgive me” to all of those whom we feel have wronged or hurt us in any way. The process he describes is quite beautiful and I encourage you all to read it.
As I read this book I could feel emotions stirring within me and could sense truth in his message. I looked forward to taking this journey and seeing where it would lead me. As the night grew closer though I could feel myself building with anxiety and procrastination setting in. I spent time thinking about this and became very in touch with many fears I was having. Fear about it not working, fear that I was not ready, fear that I would do it wrong, and fear of actually letting go of all the negativity I was holding on to. This was a reaction I was definitely not expecting and so I decided to sit with it. See, I had many people on my list to ask forgiveness and that was a bit overwhelming. As the anxiety began to lift away I became very clear of the emotions and pain that were stirring and very quickly realized that this pain was probably what I was most afraid of.
Humbling myself to those whom I had felt wronged me and hurt me greatly was an emotional roller coaster. Each time I visualized a new person I would fill with all the negativity I felt about them and what had occurred. I would then begin crying as I said the words “please forgive me” to them and suddenly those intense negative emotions were gone. I would immediately stop crying and could feel my mind and body relax and let go. This happened over and over with each person I called into awareness.
Upon completing the exercise I then sat in gratitude and thanked each person specifically for the impact they have had on my life. See I realize that everything that has happened in my life has happened because I have created it, all in an effort to get wherever it is I am going on my journey through this universe. Once I was able to see past the bitterness of hurt and anger I was able to clearly see how each individual had provided something invaluable to the person that I am today. I also noticed that those who I had felt most hurt by and harbored the most pain around were actually the ones who had done me the greatest service.
As I sit here today I feel lightness that I have not experienced before. I had built so many walls around my heart in an effort to protect me from the pain of the heartaches I had experienced in the past. These walls that aimed to protect me were only hurting me and lessening my ability to give and receive love from others. I have a long way to go on my journey and feel that I now have a tool to assist me in forging forward with an open heart. I feel a sense of freedom and hope and look forward to practicing this gift of forgiveness throughout my life.