I was leaving to go on a vacation when I was sitting with my son letting him know just how much I was going to miss him. As many of you may feel too, when I leave him I feel like I am leaving part of myself. I know I need the time away from him and I value that time tremendously, but that still does not make the process any easier.
So, we were having this conversation and he let me know that he will miss me too, but that he is happy that I am leaving. Deep inside I have a moment where my heart seems to break a little, but I quickly recover and ask him what he means. My son went on to explain to me that so much of me, and my love, exists within him and can sustain him through the time I will be away. He let me know that he was going to have a fun visit with his nanny and that he was looking forward to it. I quickly thought, love is not something that has to be present in front of us, it lives within us, in our hearts.
I must admit that I felt great pride in his perspective as well as his ability to express it to me. As I sat with him I decided to express this happiness and pride to him. I let him know how important it is for him to know that he can exist without me. That he does not need me each and every step of the way and can feel happy and excited without my presence. I let him know that this was also quite an achievement on his part and that he should feel proud of himself.
I have worked very hard as a mother to help my son be a little more independent each and every day. I have always wanted him to know that he can stand on his own and does not need me. Especially knowing that he will be a future man in this world, I have hoped to instill in him the knowledge that he can trust in himself, stand on his own two feet, and find comfort in his independence. I hope for him to be with others by choice and free will as opposed to a sense of necessity or dependency. This moment has given me the gift of knowing that he is taking in something valuable I have been hoping to teach him. This moment puts a smile on my face and warmth in my heart.