Do you ever get caught in the middle of the arguments between your head and your heart? Do you experience the confusion, frustration, and anxiety that can result? It seems that lately I have been in the midst of a battle between my ego and my truth, caught up in thoughts about my past and my future. What I find so interesting is that the longer this battle ensues, the more confused I get as to which voice is my head and which voice is my heart. I find myself completely lost, not knowing which direction to turn. I find myself getting caught up in fears and crippled with anxiety. Before I know it I am stuck in a position of discontent because I can’t seem to connect with my truth.
I have been going through great transition in my life for quite awhile now. Throughout this process I have truly dedicated myself to conscious living and awareness. There have been times of great difficulty and there have been times of great clarity. As many of you know, the times of clarity are free and expansive moments of awareness. They are moments when every sense of your being is in alignment. There are no words of explanation rather it is a sensory experience that allows you to simply know that you are living in your truth, in your heart. During these moments I can very easily distinguish the voice of my ego. I am able to see it for what it is, usually the voice of fear trying to protect me from future pain, acknowledge it and let it go.
Oh how I wish this clarity in awareness was more consistent for me lately. It seems that right now though there are lessons for me to learn from inconsistency and confusion. As I find myself coming out of a period of confusion and gaining clarity and awareness, I sit here contemplating the lesson I have learned this time around, the importance of being in the moment. I had been very torn about a decision that I had to recently make. I sat in conflict unsure of what to do and thought that I had finally made a decision true to myself. I set out to follow through with that decision and very quickly felt a physical reaction to my choice. I could feel myself begin to sweat, fears began to rise, and my heart began to beat a little faster. Every inch of my being was telling me that I was not meant to do what I was doing. I was finally feeling my truth and seeing the direction of my heart. I was able to listen and ultimately choose me.
In being in the moment and truly being present with me, I was able to feel my inner voice and act on it. The sense of empowerment and freedom that has resulted from the trust and faith I displayed in myself has guided me toward finding my way back to clarity. I can feel as I reconnect with my heart, my fears and confusion dissipating and my sense of my truth becoming clear and bright. I realize that I do know my direction and the path I am meant to take. I simply need to be present, having faith that my truth will always be revealed to me when the time is right. The battle between heart and ego is not necessary, as my heart will always speak to me. I simply need to be willing to listen.