As most of my readers know by now, I spent the last few years working my way through the process of divorce. I have touched upon this in my posts, but have chosen to keep my writing about this piece of my journey private. For many reasons, I have needed the space to heal my own heart and come to a place of peace and freedom. The road to healing has been a long one with many peaks and valleys. It has been a road that I hope to never travel down again, while it has also been a road that I celebrate with gratitude and love. As with anything else, the challenges that are the most painful also seem to bring us the most growth and wisdom.
The experience of divorce has been compared to that of death. Although, having gone through it, I sometimes wonder if it is actually more difficult, as there is great pain in not being able to walk along side the person that you love as they continue down their path separate from you. The journey somehow splits you apart, straight down to your core, and before long you realize you have been shattered into a million little pieces. Everything you believed in, all of your dreams, everything you thought you knew no longer holds truth. At moments, there is such great pain that you think you might actually die. Well, at least these are the words of my truth, the darkness and emotional death that I lived through.
Through the darkness there is always light to be found. At first, there were small glimpses of light, communicating to me that I was coming back to life. As I came alive, the light within me expanded and I was then aware of the gift the universe had granted me. I had been torn apart into pieces and now I had been given the beautiful gift of putting the pieces of myself back together in a more healthy and aware way. I had been given the opportunity to rebuild the woman that I am, reconnect with my heart, and live my purpose. The experience of separating from the man I love had been a divine gift given to me, really given to both of us, so that we could grow into the beings that our hearts intended us to be. Our relationship had not ended, it had simply transformed into another form, a form that benefited each of our greater purposes more than the form of us being together.
I think that the darkest moments in our lives are the moments that we fear will break us. I know that my greatest fear, for most of my life, was losing the man that I love. I am here to share with you, that even though we get broken, even though the pain can cut so deeply and intensely that we are sure death will come, we survive. If we are willing to trust in the universe and our greater purpose, we eventually come to a space where we not only survive, we celebrate. We celebrate the light of our past, the darkness we have journeyed through, and the joy of all that is to come.
It has been a long journey for me, one with peaks and valleys, though I have survived and I now celebrate. I celebrate all that was. I celebrate all that is. I celebrate all that is to come.