Having Forgiven Me

Having recently become aware of my need for forgiving myself I made the decision to do just that, forgive me. I have journeyed forward with a conscious presence, eager to truly feel and understand all that forgiveness has to offer me. I am curious to see how it will manifest itself in my life and where it will lead me.

Upon making this discovery and going through the process of self-forgiveness, I felt an immediate sense of freedom. I was able to tune into things shifting within me, most importantly that constriction in my chest opening up. It was as though my heart was expanding and I was less guarded. Prior to this process that constriction in my chest at times was so tight that I thought I might explode. I can’t even tell you how liberating this, in and of itself, has been for me.

As this constriction expanded an opening became present, allowing me some insight into ways I had been punishing myself and not giving me a break. What became most apparent was my incessant need to unjustly pressure myself. I would find ways to come down on me if I wasn’t living up to my unreachable standards. Every single minute of every single day was being filled with ways I could be improving myself, working, taking care of others, everything. Everything, but not allowing myself time to truly be present in the moment and enjoy this beautiful life I have created. Not allowing myself to simply enjoy amazing and wonderful me.

As I have consciously lifted this pressure off my shoulders, I have been able to feel anxiety disappearing and happiness flood in. Being in the moment has taken on new meaning for me. I have realized that this unjust pressure had me filled with anxiety that prevented me from truly being present. As I feel impatience, frustration, or distraction begin to surface I quickly check in with the thoughts in my head, often finding that I am falling back into pressuring myself. I then think, “I don’t do that anymore” and without fail, end up laughing and filling up with that sense of freedom.

My universe has expanded. I am enjoying and appreciating my life in a way that I have not done so in the past. There is an eagerness to free myself from any pain I may be holding onto, face fears that might have halted me in the past, and to honor everything that I am. I sit in gratitude for this step of self-forgiveness and am excited to discover where else in my life it causes a shift. Something tells me the ripples of change have just begun…….