Discontent – Part 1

I find that I am feeling disconnected from myself as though I am unable to reach a piece of me trying desperately to call out. I can sense its existence and feel its strong need to be seen or heard?, yet I am unable to fully grasp it into my awareness. I have no clear understanding of what it is or where it is rooted, though its presence will not be denied. This lack of clarity causes me to feel nervous, scared even, and uninspired.

And so I sit here tonight attempting to write, although writing has not come easily to me these past days. I have sat with my lack of inspiration, understanding that there are great lessons to learn in letting it exist and not forcing or pushing myself in any direction. The further I get from writing though, the further I seem to get from me. I witness fears arising within me, fears that feed my ego and disconnect me from my heart. The vicious circle ensues in which my lack of inspiration leaves me unable to write while at the same time my lack of writing leaves me feeling uninspired. And here I am caught in this web of discontent and fragmentation.

As I struggle to write this I come upon the thought that I have in the past many times lost sight of myself. As a matter of fact, for years I lived not even knowing the person I truly was, my purpose in life, or my message in the universe. The most shocking part is that I lived most of that time completely unaware of my disconnection. Was this vague sense of discontent a feeling I had all along but ignored? Or had I lost such site of myself that the sense didn’t even exist?

I am not sure the answer really matters though I am aware that the feeling is somewhat paralyzing me today. I have come to a place of such peace, acceptance, and contentment with whom I am and my purpose in this universe, a completely new space for me to exist. I think a part of me is still assimilating to this and I also think a part of me is afraid of losing site of my true self again. I am aware that fear is paralyzing and this seems to be the lesson the universe seeks to teach me today. It is with faith and trust that I will grant myself the time I require to adapt to my new state of being. Knowing there is nothing to fear because all is always there within me. Perceiving this discontent as the gift of now being tuned into the little whispers from the universe.