I have lived a very full and interesting life that seems to have gone in many different directions. As I look back from the vantage point of where I stand now, I often will wonder how certain choices in my life have influenced where I am today. Whether realized or not, every moment of our lives involves making some sort of choice or decision. There are the obvious moments where we feel we are at a crossroads, assessing our options, and determining how to proceed. Then there are the moments we don’t even think about, don’t even realize, that will also without a doubt, influence our lives. Whether realized or not, these moments are happening at every moment of our existence, influencing what the next second will bring.
As I have sat back and examined my own life and the choices that I am aware I have made, I found there were certain ones that stood out. The moments of clarity that I chose to embrace as well as the moments of awareness that I chose to deny. These are the moments that have left me wondering about my path and where I sit today. I truly believe that I am exactly where I am meant to be. That the road I have travelled is a brilliant design to my living my life intent and purpose. Even though I believe this and know it to be my truth, I can’t deny the sense of guilt that I have at times carried around with me regarding some of my past choices and decisions. Why are certain of these so much more difficult to let go?
I think that feeling of guilt and holding on results from the choices we make when we deny our truth. Those moments when we look back and clearly see that we chose to ignore our heart and proceed in an opposite way. I think that these are moments that we can tend to blame ourselves and find ways to come down on the things we have chosen. I know I have been there and have had to find ways to forgive me. I have had to accept that every single choice made, even the ones to deny my heart, have been for a purpose; the purpose of allowing me to experience and grow, to feel joy and pain, to gain wisdom and knowing, and to fully live my life experience.
As I move forward, continuing to make choices every moment of my life, I move forth with the beauty of knowing that I am free of the self inflicted guilt of the past. Free to move forward and know that there will be certain decisions in my life that may be mistakes and failures, yet knowing that they are all part of that brilliant design leading me exactly where I intend to go. Our choices may propel us forward or appear to set us backward, but through it all they are moving us along our path. We are facing crossroads at every turn, some bigger than others, all created to move us along on this adventure we call life.