Be Your Man’s Motivational Speaker – By Susan Leahy

Ok so I do admit that in writing this blog I have a distinct advantage.  I am a Motivational Speaker.  But at the end of the day I really believe that everyone has to be and is his or her own personal motivational speaker, or how else would you accomplish anything.  So everyone on the planet has a little motivational speaker deep inside of him or her supporting you everyday.

Now just because that little motivational speaker is there don’t feel nervous that I am going to ask you to take the main stage and share you motivation with the masses (if everyone did I would be out of a job.) But this blog is to talk directly to the women in the world. I am speaking to those women who desire to be in healthy, happy and fun relationships but are not quite there yet.  This blog might make you a bit angry and if it does maybe this is a message you really need to hear.  I want to challenge you to think about becoming your man’s personal motivational speaker.  I hear soooooo much men bashing from friends and strangers it is making me a bit ill.  How are you going to be a healthy relationships if you can’t talk nice about who you are in relationship with!! It seems basic but I believe that women who are not in healthy relationships use this “men bashing” as a buffer to keep from real connection and intimacy. So when the relationship doesn’t work out, like always, you can feel protected by all the bad things that have been said about that man and then place all the blame in his corner.

The men bashing happens everywhere. For example two weeks ago I was in line at IKEA (yes about to get an ice cream) when my husband walked by and said we were about to pick up our purchase, so I left the line only to stand in another line. The desire for an ice cream was too strong so I went back to the original line I was in and kindly asked the lady and her daughter who were behind me if I could come back into the line.  They were so accommodating and really nice. “Of course they both said.” And then the mother spouts out, “That is exactly what my husband would do, pull me out of line because what he wants is more important.” Her tone and body language were defensive and angry. I was aware she was trying to connect with me but she was trying to connect with me by talking bad about her husband who wasn’t even there.  Not wanting to be rude but also not wanting to agree with her by just remaining silent I kindly responded, “Oh, well my husband didn’t pull me out of line I just thought we were leaving but there was another line over there so I thought I would come back here and get us both some ice cream.”  Being totally honest, the women could have cared less about my response she was so involved in her negative energy about her husband that the rest of the world must be experiencing it too.  Ladies, how do you talk about the men in your life? Do you take cheep shots? Do you talk about them with others and laugh at their behavior?  I want this blog to get you to think about how you talk about your partner not just when they are standing in front of you (which for many people that doesn’t even seem to make a difference) or not.  We need to start verbally supporting our men. Loving them with our words and our bodies.  We need to be our man’s motivational speakers.

Being your man’s motivational speaker isn’t always easy and there are a million reasons that we can point out as to why what we are saying can be validated.  It is amazing how great we are at justifying our own personal behavior.  But to be in a healthy, happy and fun relationship we need to be conscious of our daily behavior.  Big things rarely break up relationships, little things span over time are what erode a connection.

When I was 7 months pregnant with our first child my husband and I just got the keys to our first home.  On the way back from an appointment I walked into the house to find my husband sitting at the kitchen table.  He looked up at me and said, “They let me go…”

The anxiety that ran through my body in that moment was both hot and cold, probably magnified by the fact that I wasn’t working at the time. Here we are in our new home, I am having a baby and he lost his job?!?!?! My first reaction was to say exactly that but I took a deep breath and I thought about the fact that my relationship is more important then processing my immediate anxiety.  So I took a deep breath and grabbed my husband’s hands and told him that his job doesn’t define him. He is more than that job and we will create another opportunity.  It took everything in my little pregnant body to stay in a place of love, support and motivation.  Motivation not just for him but also for us!

Jared has always been an amazing provider. But him being a provider is not all that he is to this family.  When women put this pressure on a man and then make him feel like providing is his only job, it puts and unfair pressure on a relationship.  “I love you dear, only if you are brining home a paycheck.”  How shallow and unfair.

Ladies I am yelling because I know what it is like to be on the other side.  To have an authentic partnership based in love and respect! I am passionate about my man. I love love and I feel like the world would be an even greater place if we could all work intentionally to protect, nurture, develop, support and grow our relationship with our primary partner.

Love grows when it is motivated to do so.  It can’t grow when it is being yelled at, talked about, laughed at or shamed.

My goal is to be my man’s motivational speaker! My goal is to teach my daughter how to be a motivational speaker for her relationships.  My goal is to keep finding the places where I fall short and rise to be in even greater service to my husband and my family.

I want to end with this…Being a motivational speaker doesn’t mean you just blow sunshine; it means you are committed to having difficult conversations.  As I hope you can hear from the tone of this blog being a Motivational Speaker isn’t about saying only nice things, it is having the courage to discuss the difficult thing in a way that hopefully inspires people to look at their lives and to challenge them to act differently to produce a better more fulfilling life.  So please get angry, disagree, share your point of view. It will only help to continue to motivate this conversation!!!